Wednesday, 26 April 2017

How to give your kids more freedom as summer approaches

The lighter evenings are here and people generally share a desire to spend more time outside than during the autumn and winter. The same is true of our children too – it’s much more appealing to play outside with their friends than to stay home with us.

It’s a dilemma for parents though. Lighter nights provide the perfect distraction to get our children away from all the social media and technology gadgets that claim so much of their time indoors; however, it’s a big, bad world out there. How exactly do we assess whether our children possess the skills they’ll need to survive outside the safety of their home? This interesting article about 'helicopter parenting' looks at the challenges that parenting in today’s modern society brings.

What we need to remember is the fact that we’re trying to build a balance as they move from childhood to adolescence to adulthood. We need them to develop the skills they’ll need to be independent, while still appreciating the role their parents play in terms of advice, guidance and general safety.

As parents, we have a natural tendency to underestimate our children’s readiness to be more independent. We only need to look to our own childhoods to appreciate that the children today do not enjoy many of the freedoms afforded to us by our own parents and carers.

If you think your child may be ready for more freedom – or indeed they are requesting it - our advice is to take baby steps, start off small and build on it. This serves two purposes: it eases the transition for parents between them being visibly safe at home, to spending more time out of eyesight, with their friends; it also enables parents to assess their child’s ability to abide by the rules they are set. Gradually increase the time they’re able to play out by a half an hour at a time and see if they comply. Ask them to call at regular intervals – not just to ease your mind, but also so that they are clear about their responsibility to keep in touch when away from home.

Before making any decisions, it doesn’t hurt to do your research first. Don’t be pressured into agreeing to things just because your child says everyone else is ‘going there’ or ‘doing that’ – do your due diligence first. Ask around the other mums to find out what levels of freedom their peers have and couple this with some of your own online research, using parenting forums and education websites.

Don’t be afraid to build increased freedom rights into your home discipline routines too. Use increased independence as a reward for excellent behaviour and good choices made at home. This reinforces the concept that parents remain the guardians of their children’s time – and how they spend it, which helps to build a mutual respect.

Giving our children the independence they crave – and possibly need, in order to become well rounded, responsible adults – is one of the hardest jobs we have to do as parents. In some ways, the advances in mobile communication make it easier for us to keep tabs on our children in ways our own parents never could. However, our children still need to learn that independence is a privilege – we hold the key to their freedom, but they need to earn it first.

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